The disappearing act.....

Its been a very long time since I wrote a blog or read a blog..........after the internship...things have become very busy.........and i have been moody........and frustated........and I am bored of my template and want to change it........want to get the links to my friend's blogs but somehow it doesnt work........................blah blah blah

On the other hand....the excitement continues....bhai's wedding and the preparations are on.......shaadi ke cards.......venues.......dj's ........clothes.......etc etc etc.......have been on the phone with them most of the time.............
And then I realised........I have to do something.......on this wedding......so I have decided to do a musical skit......based on my dear bro's love story.........with all my cousins for the mehndi........so my job is to prepare a hilarious fun.......dance masti skit..........before I reach India....and then ofcourse coreograph it and bring to the finale......I am dreaming of.......

All u music fans out there.....please help me prepare my list of shaadi and dance songs......punjabi....hindi....remix.........I am not up to date with the new genre :(

Hum....................Tum

Kisliye......ladkiyaan ladkon si nahin hoti........
Ek gaane mein kitne pyar se......saare differences outline ho gaye hain...........
But when I think about it..........I am confused whether I behave like a "girl" or no.......

8-10 yrs back......when I had a group of girlfriends......when I would gossip......when guys I met never became friends.................when I read M&B.........when I dreamt......believed and lived for the feeling.......
Oh mere sapnon ke saudagar......tujhko mujhse hai pyar agar.....to chal mere sang chal....aaaa
mujhe aisi jageh leja.....
Aa mere sapnon ke saudagar mujhe aisi jageh le jao...
Main chahti hoon...mere humsafar...mujhe pariyon ki duniya dikhao...
Pyar hi pyar ho jis jageh mujhe aisa jahan dikhao......

Ab 10 saal beet chuke hain....................aaj mere saare dost ladke hain........aaj mujhe gossip karne ka time nahin milta.........aaj mujhe taarikein yaad rakhna bachpana lagta hai.........aaj mere sapnon ka rajkumar......sapnon mein bhi nahin aata..........
Jaane kyun phir bhi....kabhi kabhi.....main us mod par pahonch jaati hoon jahan main phir sapne dekhne lagti hoon.........aur phir sochti hoon...

Mujhse mahobbat ka ikraar karta......kaash koi ladka mujhe pyar karta.....
meri maang mein chaand taare sajata...jo main rooth jaati mujhe woh manata....
haalat meri woh jaanta....dhadkan meri pehchaanta......
apni bhi chahat ka ikraar karta.........kaash koi ladka mujhe pyar karta!!!

ab agar tum rootho.....aur koi manaaye hi nahin....to roothne mein kya maza hai....
agar tum zid karo.......aur koi samjhaaye hi nahin......to aisi zid mein kya rakha hai....
agar khushiyaan aur gam....baatein na jaayein...............to jeene ka maza kya hai.....

Aur phir mujhe lagta hai.........ki chahein mere dost ladke hain.........chaahein meri baatein pehle se practical aur logical ho gayi hain.........lekin phir bhi meri sapnon aur khayalon ki duniya mein.......main aaj bhi 10 saal peeche hoon.......

Aaj bhi main movies dekhte hue....rone lagti hoon........
Gaane sunkar senti ho jaati hoon...............
Baithe baithe sochne lagti hoon..............
Aur kehti hoon..............isliye ladkiyaan ladkon si nahin hoti !!!!

Swimming against the Tide....

Recently I have read a few "intelligent" articles.........concerned with politics, population, environment and religion...........
These dont have the heart to add emotions to statistics gathered from various sources.......but they have a keen mind to analyse and present trends that I am completely unaware of........goes without saying I enjoy reading these as much as I enjoy reading emotions and feelings of the complex creature..............
One such article I read was about Mother Teresa.......a woman I always believed to be a true saint.....a person who gave her life to the well being of mankind.......and that too in my country India !!!!............and after reading the article I was forced to ask myself....."What makes me believe she is a saint.....????"
What did I know about her....or her work....or her seva ashrams.......her connections.......etc etc ....
The truth is I knew almost nothing........I had put her on the alter of sainthood just because the media had put her there and I had blindly followed what I heard like a fool........an educated fool like millions before me ....with me and after me......
Do we question what we hear....read .....as scientists.....and engineers specially.......we are taught to question what we see or do.......to find a logical explanation for it.........why does this sense of responsibility elude us when we read gossip columns......news.......biographies or autobiographies........etc......
I have lived in and continue living in a world full of misconceptions.........initially those that we have inherited from our parents and grandparents........notthat they intended any harm on their part......they were always trying to inculcate our cultural values in us......a heritage we are all proud of........but often blindfolded.......we believe without questioning........and most of us havent had the courage to flow against the tide..........not necessary we have to.........we could flow with it if thats what we agree with.........based on our respective analysis of situation........and trends and not follow the herd............again blindfolded !!!!
I have digressed from what I wanted to talk about.....coming back to Mother Teresa.........one side there is most of the world............who respects her....if not prays to her........atleast looks up to a woman of her stature...........
On the other hand are these people who think of her as a manipulative shrewd women ........who used to poor for her success......something she undoubtedly managed to do......................
The question is whats true and whats not...................as always its difficult to answer this question based on other's arguments......again a passive observer making judgement based on others views................anyways I decided to read these views...........look at both sides of the coin.......I have read part of the negative and am about to read the positive now........try and search back articles and details I can lay my hand on.............but I am forced to admit I am already inclined towards the negative..........there is enough reason for me to support them.........
How does it make a difference to me.........why should I bother..........frankly it doesnt...............neither am I geared to become a saint...........or work for the better of mankind.......I most probably will end up being another selfish individual living only for myself and my family....................but i want to make sure I dont pass on a heritage of individuals defining their lives on misconceptions........superstitious beliefs..........in short blindfolded human beings !!!!!

Teen saal.......

10th August 2001........my first day in America........I was lucky because my cousin was there to recieve me and he took very good care........I came to Akron a few days later..........like most other new students.......I didnt know what to expect and what not.................I had dreams and fears alike..............and a bag full of insecurities.........
Things were not easy initially for the always easily worked up me..........my so called friends from Pune ditched me .....as soon as I got here..............so I had to look for a house and roommates.........eventually things were fine.......and life in Akron started......
Three roommates.....Deepthi, Arati and Raj...........we had lots of fun.......the guys and Torrey......the walks after dinner..........Deepthi and me dancing in the living room ..........the mota kala lamba ladka.....at our doorstep :)......
And obviously the differences........fights over coooking....cleaning......almost everything........and that was fun too......
After a year ......came the time to move yet again...........5 of us this time........we went house hunting.....found this lovely place...............and were all set to make it our home...........that was some experience...................the best was our house warming party.........80 americans gate crashed it for the free booze.................but we had fun.......those lavish sunday breakfasts.........sitting outside on a beautiful day.......all of us eating together.......listening to old hindi music......dancing.....movies.......parties.........sharing a room with Shyamala..........not for a day did I feel I had problems doing that........it was like living with a younger sister I never had........but yes there were fights in the house as always.............cleaning cooking etc etc.....those come with the good things.......and in some ways the tiny miny arguments are fun too........after you share so much....spend lovely times  together......differences are a must..........but unforseen circumstances...................made me change that house too.................and then I moved to Timber Top ..............Pankaj and Madhu.......my present roommates.........................and the last one year .......has been more than I could have ever asked for...................a home that we built from scratch.............this time last year..........we were frantically shopping for our new house...............in this one year........we have had all the fun that I did in the previous years and much much more..........and now we have to move again.............though together this time..........but we move again....................and I dont want to leave the house I am in ...................but I know better........I have been lucky ever since I came to Akron in finding roommates who care.........
I can be very moody..........dominating to say the least ..................and a bit too difficult at times to handle................I remember the hot chocolates Arati would make for me.....and the gossip we indulged in..................I had got used to sleeping in the same room with Shamu........how we would talk or read........before sleeping and then both of us would never wake up in the morning........you first....no you first....................the times when Raghav sat at the my bedside when I wasnt well or simply angry at something ...............and fed me food like a younger brother...woh roothna woh manana...............the times when Anurag and I sat to talk .....after he was completely drunk.............Madhu......my partner....she is there for me in more than one ways...............and last but certainly not the least........Pankaj!!
The bad part is I have had to move every year......and that can be a pain...............but the good part is the memories I have of the last three years........the people who cared for me and vice versa......................and when I look back today ................the feeling is......I am really lucky!

You never know what you are capable of.......till you give it a shot !!!

First year engg......the initial months.....i knew one guy...who I came to college with since we lived in the same area.......I was meeting strangers......making friends.......
But it was coooooollll......since I am not the shy kinds......bindaas sabse baat karna...masti......ghumna.....and I had my undergrad friends to enjoy with...so I didnt care much....
I got to know a few first years and then one day we have this college event....with different competitions....and when I dont know many people....its not like me to go out of my way to participate in something ( other than maybe dancing and basket ball)......but this one girl I knew....who knew many of the senior organizers.......well she convinced me and Archana (another freshie) to participate in the personality contest......seems they had no girl participants and she had to pull somebody into it......and dont ask me how i fall for such traps....I still do!
Anyways she told us its no big deal......I forgot about it....and then comes Sunday...me lazying around at home with family and archana calls....lets go.....and I was like do we have to....bunk it....she protested....we have given our names.....we should go and check it out atleast.........so I gave in......to only see whats happening....I wont stay there and I was clear on that.....she agreed ...and we went.
I was dressed in rags....or close to rags.......and I thought to myself....worst case scenario its me and archie.....I can surely do that...........and then I saw the other participant.......the most gorgeous girl in our college......guys drooled over her.....all around us.....and she was dressed to kill that day in ethnic Indian wear. Staying with guys I have learnt to appreciate beauty when I see it......and I remember telling myself....run you are going to make a fool out of yourself here......but I didnt have the guts to do that either.......so I went in the room.
She knew everybody.....we knew nobody.......we were sitting in front of 4 judges and a huge crowd....on a Sunday....i didnt expect that either......I was nervous when it began.
And then the contest started.......introduce yourself.....that was awkward....I could feel my watery eyes......nervous...concious.....unsure....and silly!!!
After that first round of general intro...I told myself....who cares....i have nothing to lose....I know nobody (but my brain was playing those games again....you have to live in this coll for 4 years....you could be the one everybody laughs at in the future......and I was nervous again)
They made us fill some forms about strengths weaknesses ......hobbies etc....and then this guy Rudra......was grilling each contestant on those points.....luckily I was in the end.....and mera sabse bada problem yeh hai ki koi mujhe challenge karta hai.....ya mujhe neecha dikhaane ki koshish karta hai....to main uske upar chad jaati hoon.......that was the round when the tables started turning.....i didnt know Rudra......so I wasnt scared to answer back or anything and so I did......I stuck to what I wrote.....I gave smart ass comments......again the "who you" attitude creeping in from I dont know where.
Thats when I started enjoying it......as if it was a show....and all I had to do was say what I felt...talk.......talk and talk........
Next was the talent...something.....I sang a song.....thank mom for giving me a fraction of her voice....its wasnt bad.....it wasnt good for sure....and I was nervous again...
Then came the judges round....each one asks you a question.......I dont remember all of them but there was this one question......"Do you think MTV....etc etc is spoiling our generation.....culture etc etc...."
And I said....." Do you really believe our culture is so weak to be spoiled by a few channels and music shows"......
Another one was......if we talk about equality of sexes then....where does chivalry fit in........and I was like........I believe in equality.........except for where a man's a man and a woman's a woman.....a girl is doing everything a man is.......and I like to be treated like an equal......if we want to walk hand in hand....then why ask for ladies first !!!!...........man the hooting after that was amazing.....i saw the response everyone gave me and I was 4 feet above the ground........but the battle wasnt won yet.........
They asked the pretty lady......If you had to ditch your present boyfriend for George Clooney...your fav actor......what would you do.........and she said Leave him ofcourse.......I had just won the contest.......but I didnt believe it then.......I was nervous........I remember this strange guy sitting next to me and saying....you were good you did it.........
I had done it.......I was MISS PERSONALITY.....and not only had I won.......I had the highest points among all contestants.......In that one day I made so many new friends.......in that one day I had saved myself from becoming the laughing stock for the whole college..........in that one day I grew a step further towards what I am today......just because I gave it a shot......!!!!