Bhai teri moonjh aa rahi hai :-)
Somebody once asked me how often do u and your brother fight
Every week, every day or every hour
And I had instanty replied how about every second.
Thats the way things have been for as long as i can remember, we fight nearly every second
and when i try and think and reason over what...........................there are none and there are too many
Bhai kehne ko to mujhse chota hai, but the age gap is not too much isliye kabhi koi bada ban jaata hai to kabhi koi. But over the years we have grwon to be two extremes, itna difference hai hum dono ki preferences mein ki its surprising. Once he called me and asked what are u doing and i told him i was praying (this was in the morning), i was doing ashtmi pooja, subeh uth kar parshad banana etc etc and he is like mai subeh uth kar pehli cheez yeh sochta hoon ki aaj kaun sa bura kaam karoon aur tu puja kar rahi hai. Har baat par ladna, chilana ek doosre ko maarna .......its become a habit now. We would spend a lot of time together in the good old days, both were in boarding schools, ghar aaate the to sab freinds school mein busy hote the, so we would spend hours sleeping, watching TV and of course troubling mom. He would snatch the remote control from me and i would hit him, so he would hit back and then i would hit again on the basis ki maine itni zor ki nahin maara and there starts a fight. Being the younger one he had picked up the habit of doing what i did early on and it was so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttt. Once mom and dad were recording a poem i was reciting .......was a sweet one " This is the way of happy life!" and it was with actions so i was performing for the camera and this little naughty brat steps in behind me and was doing it with me. The only problem was he didnt know the whole thing so in the vedio its like he is mumbling the word and looking at me and doing the actions....following his older sister...........he looked so cute. There are loads and loads of memories about hiding chocolates, drinking pepsi and having papad while watching movies, who would get up for school first, diwali ke pathake, holi ki masti, skating, cycling, playing with friends, video games in which he was always better than me, making him study, dressing him up like a girl, teasing him about his english and spellings, each one of us at every point trying to prove "I am the best". But in our own ways we both are and we live in two separate worlds today, very different from each other but still we are so entwined in each other's world its hard to tell us apart. Bhai, I might not acknowledge this often but I am luck to have a bro like u................I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Not too long back, I would be paranoid about studies and exams. Nervous to the core, I wouldnt remember things that i had read several times. And oral exams, looking at the examiner i would go read, for initial 5 minutes my head would refuse to coordinate with my mouth. And mind you i dont mugg up things, 90% of my education has been based on understanding barring history and geography of course. Anohther important point is that by all standards (tested in 5 different schools and colleges around India), varying from I.C.S.E. to C.B.S.E to H.S.C.....I have been in the top 5 thoughout. But the fear was still there. Wasnt that bad during school, on the contrary there was a time when everyone around me would study and i would play and then solve their doubts later, listening in class was enough.......and strangely those are the fundamentals that i remember clearly even today. But as i grew older and the competiton became tougher, it got to me........the constant need to be among the best, perform well blah blah blah..........was a time when i would judge people by their academic ability. Thank god thats history atleast. Coming back to the point......why all this today???????.........because i had an exam today............didnt study much for it .....................mo staying awake all night (even though I studied last minute again, old habits die hard).......just didnt feel like it..........wanted to test my knowledge of my subject, after all have been doing this for 6 years now........and how did it go .......................i dont know of the outcome yet and its kinda tough to explain, but in a nutshell the questions i didnt study for (because i didnt know what it would be kind of a surprise question) didnt go bad........and i didnt feel nervous or scared for a second............strangely I was very very calm.....................so how do i explain that....
Lots of plausible reasons......
Exams are no more of paramount importance in my career goals
Have developed this newly found i dont care attitude towards a lot of things
And yes not to forget the so what attitude
Additionally there was a there's always a next time factor in these exams
I seriously wonder how i would behave if this was an interview for a job, tab calm reh paaooon to koi baat hogi.
But atleast i have taken the first step.

Two years ago...........
Kathai aankhon waali ek ladki
Ek hi baat par bigadti hai
tum mujhe kyun nahin mile pehle
Roz kehkar mujhse ladti hai

One year from now.......................
Beetey lamhon ki yaadein lekar, ohjal kadmon se woh chalkar
Yeh dil bhi roya aur aankh bhar aayi........
mann se yeh aawaaz aayi

Woh bachpan ki yaadein, woh rishtey woh naate
woh saawan ke jhoole
Woh hansna woh hansaana woh rooth ke phir manana
Woh har ek pal main dil mein samay diye mein jalaaye
le ja rahi hoon main le ja rahi hoon.......main le ja rahi hoon.

Why do I get angry?
Why do I shout?
Why do I get frustated?
Why do I expect?
Why do I care?
Why do I love?
Why? Why? Why?Why? Why? Why? Why?
Might as well ask
Why do I live?

Kabhi ek mamta ki, pyar ki ganga ki
woh chiti aati hai, saath woh laati hai
Mere din bachpan ke khel woh aangan ke
woh saaya aanchal ka, woh teeka kaajal ka
Woh lori raaton mein, woh narmi haaton mein
woh chahat aankhon mein, woh chinta baaton mein
Bigadna uppar se, mohabbat andar se
kare woh devi ma....................
yehi har khat mein pooche meri ma
ki ghar kab aaooge, ki ghar ka aaooge
likho kab aaooge, ki tum bin aangan suna suna hai

I love you ma! You have been my closest freind for as long as i can remember
and I miss you tons!!!!!!

Monday morning, back to work and a very busy week ahead. But the start has been good. Managed to write an abstract with minor changes from boss ( had been working on it last night and couldnt get two line down). And my boss has given me permission to go home..................thats the best part...............thought it was the right time to talk to him and he said thats fine by him. Though i get to go for only a week, it will be more than enough since i get to celebrate my parent's 25th marriage anniversary with them and instead of running around and meeting anybody and everybody (something i always end up doing), this week will be spend exclusively with family. DDLJ ka woh scene yaad aa raha hai when amrish puri is all excited about going back to India. Mere desh, meri mitti mai aa raha hoon. Nothing so dramatic in my case but still home is home and India is the best.

On a different note I just realised this morning when I was in the loo (I do some important thinking there) that I live for the weekends. Ek khatam hota nahin hai and i start planning ki next weekend kya karna hai and the week goes by. Will have to do something about that .................aise nahin chalega yaar.....................2 din ke liye 5 din hafte ke waste karti hoon..............................aur aisa bhi nahin hai ki koi kaam nahin hai. So this week i shall try and concentrate on the week and the work that needs to be done and enjoy the weekend when it comes. Lets see kya hota hai.

Kaam kaam aur kaam
but its fun. on days when my work is not defined i dont end up doing anything. apne aap koshish karna to aata hi nahin hai. I work last minute, have always done things that way and probably will continue the trend. The element of excitement and tension involved in doing things just in time drives me to work better and faster probably. I dont know what it is but thats the way i like it. Unfortunately in the profession i have chosen things dont work that way. I wont alwyas have a teacher or an advisor or a boss instructing me on whats to be done and giving me deadlines, i will have to form my own problems and find out the solutions for myself and that too without having to work on deadlines. In short its a disaster because i still havent got to that level. And even though i keep telling myself time and again that i ought to change my ways .....................it just never seems to happen. Someday it will and till then i can relax and let the last minute work continue.

I am a lazy lump.....................
I have loved sleeping for as long as i can remember
My brother and i would fight in school as to who will wake up first,
those extra 5 minutes were so important..
In the hostel we would wear our school shirt and go to sleep
that way we would sleep till late and get up just in time to get fresh and
leave. Never bothered about turns to shower....we could do that in the evening
Never made my bed properly either.......who had time for those things.....sleep was of utmost importance.
Somehow inspite of my laziness i loved to play............an active sports person i had to get up at 5 in the morning for
jogging..............but that lasted only till i was in the hostel...................my dad could never force me out of my bed to do
that. Holidays were fun......my brother and i would watch movies late in the night (another bad habit ) and then get up at odd hours like 1 p.m. or 2 p.m. have lunch in bed and sleep again.......thankfully i cant do that anymore.
And though i love sleeping even today, its different now......i have had fights with close friends because i cant control my sleep. They wonder how can i sleep when we meet after a long time or when somebody is talking something important and i inevitably end up feeling guilty later. Thats when i started making a delibrate effort to stay awake at such times and its not like they come often ......its manegable.
And why do i remember it today...........................because like a lazy lump i was sleeping till 10.00 when i was supposed to be at work by then. And thats not such a big deal......the problem is i promised a friend I would go with him and I ditched him.....................again. Old habits die hard i guess but i am really sorry!!!!

Most of the times its easier to do things when somebody is there to help you.
And i have been lucky (touchwood) to always have someone by my side.
I remember the time i was preparing for my GRE......
those words were so impossible to remember, and as usual i had left things
for the last minute, making it even tougher to learn them.And my God sent angel was my best friend, we had been studying together for a few months and i would do the maths and analytical section and solve english too
but never sit down to learn the words. He took the test a month before me and got an awesome 2320 ..........and then the pressure was on me, i had a month and everyday i would have to mugg up 200-250 words ........and then he would test me the next day. Kehne ko to meri help kar raha tha, lekin kya daant marta tha agar kuch nahin aaye.
Sometimes i feel he expexted more from me than i did from myself. And eventually i did get a 2220 which was a lot by my standards and yes it was all thanx to my dear friend. Even today i remember a lot of the words (considering the fact that i am bad at remembering things thats amazing) and most of these words are those that he had helped me learn
by relating them to something....................i remember them because i associate them with him. Today i am trying to help someone remember those words......and telling her how to go about learning them and more importantly remembering them reminds me of the days I spent with my best friend.
A toast to a friend who was always there!!!!

I have not written for a loooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnggggg time.
Strangely didnt feel like writing at all. I have been guilty though because
when i started my blog i had promised a friend i will write everyday without fail.
And i didnt. Giving it another try straight from the heart. Hope can keep up with
writing things this time.
The reason i had stopped writing, was i plain lazy.......unfortunately that would have
been an easy excuse but isnt the case. I stopped because i didnt like the way it was going
Too many things happen on an everyday basis and you need to feel to write that
special occurrence everyday thats worth mentioning......that will bring a smile on
other's faces too, and i wasnt doing that ......if anything i was getting worse day by day
constantly thinking what i will write today and then penning down delibrate words that
lacked the emotion........were deprived of it because of the conscious effort.
So here i am back to what i have done for a long time without restraints in many
different ways and hope to give it my best shot this time!!!!!