Hum bhi agar bache hote.........duniya kehti Happy Birthday to You!!
Papa mera b'day aa raha hai....ma mera b'day aa raha hai........din mein das baar bolti thi......aur ek mahina pehle hi shuru ho jaati thi......all the party planning, invitations, theme, my b'day dress (one for morning and one for evening), menu, guest list, jageh etc etc etc.......................kitna kuch hota tha decide karne ko.
Mom bolti thi ki b'day ke din naye kapde pehente hain......phir school mein us din uniform nahin pehente the......and then the box of chocolates......fav teacher ke liye special gift................wow it was so exciting.........deciding the games to play, the things to do,decorating the house in the evening, going to the parlor, cake order karna aur phir uska shape decide karna.........I have had all kind of shapes teddy bears, barbie doll, guitar, house, heart ...........three tier.............my 13th b'day cake was just 13.....and that was the year I was renamed Noor.............just for close ones.
B'day was special....as if for that one day you have been granted a fairy queen and by waving her magic wand she made every wish come true....:)
For 21 years I have celebrated all my b'days at home......bhai was envious because jab uska b'day hota tha hum hostel mein hote the aur mera b'day hameshaa chuttiyon mein aata tha.................................and now I am envious woh ghar par hai aur main yahan................................:(
Lekin ab to b'day parties bhi badal gayi hain.......................its daru and dance and khana.......................its fun but its different........................I miss the childish excitement.....................and last two years I have planned my own b'day party..................made all the food......done all the arrangements etc etc.
So there is not much I want to do this year........atleast not on my own.........................suprises on the other hand are always welcome!!!!

Babul...............................teri Noor!
Sometime back I wrote a poem for mom........and dad was like sab kuch karoon main aur poem mom ke liye...not fair! And then recently......I felt like writing something for him.....now for me it has to be felt...otherwise the words dont fit right.....and recently I felt something...............and I wrote for him..............and though it sounds sad.....its not really.....its more out of love................this one is for you dad!

Tumse haath chudakar door ja rahi hai jo,
Babul teri bagiya ka phool hai !
Doli mein bitha kar vida kar rahe ho jisko,
Babul teri aankhon ka noor hai !

Tumhaari ungli thaam kar jisne chalna seekha tha,
Jiske nanhe hoton se nikla pehle shabd papa tha,
Tumhaari pyar bhari aakhen jise har pal dhoondti thi,
Jiski halki si sisak tumhe beichain kar deti thi,
Bheegi hui palkon se aaj, mud mud kar dekh rahi hai tumko!
Tumse haath chudakar door ja rahi hai jo,
Babul teri bagiya ka phool hai !
Doli mein bitha kar vida kar rahe ho jisko,
Babul teri aankhon ka noor hai !

Tumhaare khwaabon-khayalon ko diya jisne sach ka roop hai,
Jiske sapnon ka mahal tumne apne haathon se banaya hai,
Tumhaare jeevan ki who poonji jo tumhaara pyar hai, garoor hai,
Jiske badte kadmon ko tumne har pal haunslaa diya hai,
Bhare mann se sochti hai aaj, kyun tumne paraaya kar diya usko???
Tumse haath chudakar door ja rahi hai jo,
Babul teri bagiya ka phool hai !
Doli mein bitha kar vida kar rahe ho jisko,
Babul teri aankhon ka noor hai !

Home.........away from HOME!!
When you stay away from home for education or work...........life is tough.........initially atleast and specially if you dont have friends or are too close to your family. I have been lucky with friends.......but when you spend so much time together, live as a family.......expectations rise and phir choti choti baatein bhi buri lagne lagti hain.......you are more prone to getting hurt.......and unnecessarily you start ruining otherwise perfect relationships!
I am going a bit off track from what I want to write about.........and nothing about friends and relationships but about a recent trend........which started around New Years and something that once more reminds me of home!
Most of us who came to Akron two or three years back......to study.......have graduated.......and are working.....and the others are towards the end with lots to do.......so unlike the initial months, on weekdays all of us work a lot and are preoccupied.....in short busy in our own worlds. Friday shaam ko kaam se free hote hi hum log ek doosre ko phone karna shuru karte hain.......start planning for the weekend.......and generally meet at somebody's place for dinner......taash.....movie......games...............in short masti and fun.
Yesterday was one such day.......we met at my place......ate together.....played cards......watched a movie. And somebody asked me in the evening so why are we meeting at your place......whats the occasion????
Thats when I stopped to think.......there was no occasion.......we have been doing this for more than a month now......and its become a ritual........and we enjoy it.......friday nights drinking either at bw3 or somewhere else.......saturday nights ghar par dinners.
And these dinners remind me of couple kitties we had in faridabad.......once a month...tambola...games.....food etc. And it feels like we are settling in, in a home away from HOME!

Time..........boon or bane?????
India mein, ya maybe all around the world......ladki choti hoti hai tabse....uske ghar waale...rishtedaar......shaadi ka zikar chalte phirte karte hi rehte hain. Mere ghar mein bhi baat hoti thi .......and over the last few years, it was often somebody would mention it.........and then ma kabhi kabhi meri harkaten ( ladkon waali, I was always the tom-boy) dekh kar bol deti thi, " Aise karegi ki to koi ladka tujhe pasand nahin karega" ya phir " Tujhe dekhne ladke waale aayenge to kya karegi" etc etc.
And me the overconfident fool, maybe because I knew I had a lot many years in my hand before the critical decision, would say, "Jab ladke waale aayenge to main shorts and t-shirt mein, do chotiyaan banakar aur mote mote chashmein pehnkar baithne waali hoon.......aur zor zor ki bolne......hanse waali hoon. Jisko pasand karna hoga apne aap kar lega."
I was against arranged marriages.......and was confident I would find someone myself........jo mujhe jaanta hoga.....samajhta hoga.....jisse main dil khol kar baat kar sakoongi....share my fears and sorrows......joys and laughter.....who would like me for what I am.....and not reject me on the basis of some stupid accident mark on my foot (another joke my parents love to crack on me). Mere sapnon mein ek andekha anjaana rajkumar tha....aur mujhe vishwaas tha ki yeh baadal hatenge aur woh kabhi to saamne aayega!
But time is proving to be a curse.........................parents have started looking for so called eligible and good rishtas.........mujhse photos mangvaayi hain.......ek ladke ka biodata and photo bheji hai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I saw that in my inbox yesterday.......I was in tears.................lots of reasons (sab kuch yahan to nahin likh sakti na), but I felt that my dreams are never going to come true.............and then I thought I have to make the decision, its my life and I wont give up on my dreams and my wishes so easily...........................but then something brought me back to reality..............TIME!!!!!

Are daughters always closer to their Dad??????

One of the old Indian saying goes.......Beti agar baap par jaaye to lucky hoti hai aur beta agar ma par jaaye to lucky hota hai! How do you justify this?????? Is there any logic to it????? Nope.
Lekin main maanti hoon......kyun bhala????
Because main Papa ki beti hoon, hameshaa se...!!!!
And thats not equivalent to saying that I love my mom less......I love her the same if not more...because she is the one I have shared everything with like a friend.
But its still true.........and I dont know why?????
Always looked up to him......my daddy strongest, smartest.........just the best types. Always wanted my husband to be like him if not better. Always wanted him to approve of everything I do. Always tried to be what he wanted me to be. His advice always meant the most. The list is endless......!
All those who have known me well.......have heard endless stories about my dad.......the GREATEST MAN ON EARTH!
I know he is human, has his faults, makes mistakes and is certainly not always right.........and I have come to realise it more and more over the past few years. And I love him even more.........because when I point out these to him, he accepts, he discusses, he argues and even today he tries to change himself.
And in my father's case......I am not the only one who looks up to him..........all my cousins.....want to be like him........all my friends.....look upto him............so he is the BEST!!!!
And I am one lucky daughter........because he is my father........the most special corner in his heart is always reserved for me..........my mom and my bro have envied it .........and I am proud of it!

yeh kadam ladkhadaa rahe hain...................ya gir gayi hoon
yeh jism saans le raha hai.............................ya mar gayi hoon
yeh dhadkan chal rahi hai..............................ya tham gayi hai
yeh nigaahen ro rahi hain..............................ya sookh gayi hain
yeh zabaan bol rahi hai..................................ya khamosh hai
Main ek insaan hoon.........................ya pathar ban gayi hoon????

Woh beete din........Convent of Jesus and Mary!
Ab yeh kya hai????? Kahan se yaad aaya?????? batati hoon.....
Was watching Remember the Titans and remembered the famous cheering .......
Whereever we go, people want to know
Who we are, so we say
We are the Chelsea'ids the mighty mighty chelsea'ids yeah!!!!!
Gala kharab ho jaata tha.......30-40 of us......basketball court.......intimidate the visiting team with non stop shouting and cheers..........fundamental part of any game.........miss it.
And phir mujhe hostel ke din yaad aaye.........and I bored my friend for an hour.......sister Teresa....my warden.......was tired of me......an old lady with a hunch......very strict but loving.
Bachpan se meri sabse badi kamzori rahi hai ki main bolti bahut hoon..........and there its been more than once in the last few years that I repented that..........lekin bachpan mein no such tensions......stories to tell, games to play, studies, books ya phir simple gappe and gossip........the list was endless......then why waste time is sleeping......simple fundas right?
Lekin pyari sister Teresa ko meri yeh problem nahin samajhti thi.......and it was so unfair because i was put in a dorm different than my friends......obviously I will hang out there......so I was always caught outside my bed after hours....phir fansi. Once she actually challenged me by putting wth 10th grade girls (I was in 6th) and that also in one corner with 5 other girls (smallest dorm) and was like lets see who you talk to now???????
Smart ass that I was...........within a week I was friends with all the 10th std girls........so would be roaming around from one room to the other.......they all liked me.......kisi ke baal blow dry karna.......kisi ki back massage karna........kisi ke love letters padhna to kisi ki tensions samajhna.........kahin music sunna.......to kahin kuch aur.......the list is endless. The look of horror on her face the next time she caught me was amazing.....she gave up on me after that.
Phew......the hostel stories are endless.........will talk about my cleanliness habits later.......to be continued!!!!!

Meri badi behan...................Pooja
I never had a real sister...older or younger....so who is this? My cousin, but we have spent a lot of time together....I wouldnt say she completely understands me etc etc etc......but doesnt matter.....we both care and feel close and thats enough. Now this dear mam of mine has two tensions in life......as of now.......when it comes to me......and both of them have the same root....my marriage.
I called her the other day and she is like, " Teri shaadi ke liye main Ritu Kumar ka suit lene waali hoon.......nayi saari lene waali hoon.......and loads of other things. I am not shopping till then abhi....sab kuch tabhi karoongi." aur phir agli saans mein boleti hai, " Lekin agar teri shaadi par main pregnant hui to, or what if I have just had a kid."
Note karne laayak baat yeh hai ki abhi aisa koi scene door door tak nahin hai, na ladka na baarati and poori kahani kardi.
But I know exactly how she feels...because a few years back at her wedding I had bought a whole new wadrobe of lenghas, salwaar kameez, sarees.....matching jwellery, makeup, shoes......the works. and yes every bit of the excitement and energy that went into buying the stuff and then wearing it was worth it..........let me put it this way...it paid off!

Good Morning!
Its been ages since I woke up early in the morning.........my morning is at 9.00.......a lazy start and then a lazy day always...........but today i got up early.....7.15.........and i slept for 5 hours, but I feel fresh and nice.......as if I have all the time in the world to do a lot of things..........a lovely feeling.....a lovely day and a fresh start!!!!
Life is beautiful........once again!

Dream House........
Socho ki jheelon ka shehar ho...lehron pe apna ek ghar ho...hum jo dekhen sapne pyaare...sach hon saare bas aur kya?
If somebody ask you to describe your dream house......what would it be?????
Dream House 1:
A cliff next to the sea (or any water body)...........a house just on the edge........balcony looking onto the water body....a private diving point. In the front, a beautiful garden with lots of flowers and trees. Windows all around .......natural sunlight all day long......you can even add a outdoor private swimming pool to a place like this........and much more!!!
Dream House 2:
Greenery all around.......living with nature........several acres of land........trees all around.......well kept garden.......a centre courtyard............a small gazebo kind of outer room with bamboo furniture and a bar.......maybe a indoor pool too. A small bridge with a stream flowing under it.......leading to the main house.............ducks in the water......birds chirping all around......rim jhim rim jhim....rum jhum rum jhum...bheegi bheegi rut mein tum hum hum tum!!!!
Dream House 3:
Living on a hill...........sabse upar......sabse alag.........something like what ajay devgan makes in chori chori............bahar nikalte hi sirf pahaad aur baadal hi baadal nazar aayein........as if you are in heaven looking down on earth.......the portugal look is best for such a house....................main aur meri tanhai, aksar yeh baatein karte hain!!!!
And the inside decoration.........for any one of these.........is what makes it a home.......shall leave it for a later post!

Dream.........unlimited!!!
I am not refering to Shah Rukh Khan's and Juhi Chawla's production company. I am talking about dreaming.......big for yourself. Dad always said we lie maximum to ourselves.......and I now believe noone is a better judge of your capabilities other than you. You cant ride on a horse of other's dreams and wishes forever. Phir chahen woh others apni family kyun na ho. Someday that horse dissapears and you fall flat on your face.
Somebody asked me, " How high a goal should we set for ourselves?" Should it be slightly more than what we can achieve or should we dream big. I think we should dream big. But then it struck..........I havent dreamt big for myself.......since the day I fell from that horse.........I stopped setting that goal........I stopped dreaming............and I need to in order to perform according to my capabilities........which is much more than my present expectations!

Blog writing ...........natural or artificial????
Most of us write our blogs regularly.......a post everyday. How do we choose the thought we express???? Do you delibrate over what to post or is it something that just happens or something you felt and its like hey let me write this. What do you discuss???? Emotions, books, movies, places, events, friends, songs, news, work, philosophy......etc etc etc. Kitna kuch hota hai likhne ko.
On the 5th of this month I wrote three posts one after the other........why???? all those things happened over the long weekend and I knew I wanted to pen them down it was instinctive, but I didnt have access to the net so had to post everything on one day. For me its one occurence or emotion that overpowers all others at that time and I feel like putting it in words so that I can remember something in the future........but on other days I make a delibrate effort to find something to write about. Today is one such day I opened my page and then thought well what is it that i can write today........and then abandoned all those thoughts and just started writing ..........................words when flow naturally express best !!!!

Aisa Kyun.....Hota hai????
Ghar ka khana khane ke liye pet bhara hota hai.......lekin phir bhi gol gappe, tikki, papdi chaat hameshaa kha sakte hain,
padhne baitho to neend aati hai..........aur time pass karne ke liye raat bhar jaag sakte hain,
kaam karna ho to thak jaate hain.........aur ghoomne ke liye hameshaa fresh hote hain,
aisa kyun hota hai ki jab tak koi danda na ho kaam nahin hota.......aur masti khatam karne ke liye danda bhi kaam nahin aata.
Kyun????????????????????

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
I welcomed 2004 with a bang. Had a great party at home and the weekend stretched for four long days of fun with friends and partying.......couldnt have asked for a better start.
Lekin there was a tinge of sadness too ghar ki bahut jyada yaad aa rahi thi....my first new years without my family......23 years mein pehli baar.

New Years back at home........in INDIA
In faridabad we would have these grand new year parties with 25 families..........at our place..........everybody would bring a dish...the whole evening would be spent in decorating the house, helping ma in the kitchen, setting up the music with bhai and then getting ready. And we would have a ball playing tambola, games, dancing, yummie food and drinking too. That was one day when dad himself would offer us Champagne. We inevitably slept at 4 or 5 in the morning and the next day would be lots of cleaning............and family get togethers in the evening.

New Years in.......USA
A grand party of 25.......at our place........everybody bought a dish.......we spent the whole day cleaning, cooking and decorating (my friends equivalent to a small family here were there to help)......I did the kitchen work with help from Anu and Shamu......while Nihir, Raghu, Rahul and Pankaj took over the decorations and music. We played tambola, danced, drank and had loads of fun.......I didnt forget to drink champagne this year either.........and slept at 7 in the morning........followed by a day spent with my close friends cleaning and having more fun in the evening.

It was just when the clock struck 12 and we welcomed the new year.....I wished everyone and then.........where were mom, dad and bhai???? I missed them all.........it hurt then.......all I could do was call them and I did...spoke to them .......but I missed them more after that......I guess even thats a positive thing.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

Another year ends..........
Lots of things to remember and even more to forget........but in the end its no regrets!!!!
2003 was an eventful year on the professional and personal front. Highlights of the year were....
Started working on my PhD research.......learnt a lot, even managed to get some successful results before the year end.
Was forced into getting a new look.......and I glad I did that.......makes me look younger.
Ladkiyon waali harkatein karne lagi hoon thanx to my cousin and bhabhi....will always remember that.
Redefined a lot of things for myself this year.........people, morals, society, marriage, career and relationships.
Celebrated mom and dad's 25th marriage anniversary with a bang.
Started writing poems again after six years and last but not the least started blogging.
All in all the end of a wonderful year and hopefully the begining of a better one........................FAREWELL 2003!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MA!!!!
This post is six days late.......numerous reasons...got loads to write about..but for now ma first. Her birthday was on 31st december and I didnt know what to gift her as usual. What can you give your parents? Its always a tough decision. And then my brilliant mind came up with an excellent idea. I the great had written a poem for my dear mother and thought of getting it published in the newspaper with a birthday greeting from bhai and me. Some last minute phone calls and emails to a friend and the work was done........................the result........she had tears in her eyes and has a cutting of the poem as a birthday gift.
Here are the words that made my mom happy and sad.......

Teri bahon ke jhoole mein khelkar, badi hui hoon mai.....ma;
Teri ungli thame hue chalkar, itni door pahonchi hoon mai.....ma;
Teri aanchal ki chaon mein chupkar, kitne dukhon se bachi hoon mai.....ma;
Teri pyar bhari loriyaan sunkar, sunder sapnon mein khoyi hoon mai....ma;
Teri baahein, teri ungli, tera aanchal, teri aawaz;
In sabko chodkar jaoon to mai jaoon kahan?????

Apni saari khwayishon ko dafnakar, tune mere liye khwaab sajaaye hain.....ma;
Apni tarakki ki raah thukrakar, tune mere path se kaante chune hain.......ma;
Apne saare gamon ko bhulakar, tune mere daaman mein khushiyaan bhari hain......ma;
Apni poori zindagi ko tyagkar, tune mera jeevan sanwaara hai.......ma;
Apni khwayishen, apni khushiyaan, apni tarakki, apna jeevan
Jiye jo mere liye sab chodkar aisa pyaar phir mujhe milega kahan ???????