Thodi si zameen, thoda aasmaan
Tinko ka bas ek aashiaan

Thoda hai, thode ki zaroorat hai
Zindagi phir bhi bahut khoobsurat hai


Some important decisions to make and a perspective never to be lost. I will be happy and make the right decisions as long as I remember all along what is it that I want and who I am. Ek anjana darr hai mann mein, ghabrahat, badalte waqt ka ehsaas.............................

Sada chidiya tha chamba ve, babul asa ud jana
Sadi lambi udadi ve, babul kede desh jana
Tera mehlaan de vich vich ve babul dola nahiyo langda

babul jo tune sikhaya, jo tumse paya
sajan ghar le chali........sajan ghar main chali
yaadon ke lekar saaye chali ghar paraaye tumhaari ladli
kaisi bhool paoongi main baba sunni jo tumse kahaniyaan
chodd chali aangan mein tere maya....bachpan ki main nishaaniyaan

yeh galiyaan yeh chaubaaran yahan aana na dobaara
ab hum to bahe pardesi ki tera yahan koi nahin ...ki tera yahan koi nahin
aa maaye mil le gale, chale hum sasuraal chale
tere aangan mein apna baas bachpan chodd chale
kal bhi suraj nikelga kal bhi panchi gaayenge
sab tujhko dikhayi denge par hum na nazar aayenge
aanchal mein piro lena humko sapno mein bula lena humko
ab hum to bahe pardesi ki tera yahan koi nahin ...ki tera yahan koi nahin

Maybe all this is not true immdeiately, but this is what i am feeling, this is my biggest fear, to break away from my family, something thats inevitable in the near future...whether it be 1 year or 2 years or 3.

Yeh daulat bhi lelo yeh shaurat bhi lelo
bhale cheen lo mujhse meri jawani
magar mujhko lauta do bachpan ka saawan
woh kaagaz ki kashti woh baarish ka pani..........................

Credit cards are a boon and a curse. A boon because they give you the freedom to spend whereever and whenever. And a curse because you often spend more than your budget. I have done the latter for the last 5 days. Though a lot of it was required, but still, itne saare paise kharch karna achi baat nahin hai. Ab pachtaye hoth kya jab chidiya chug gayi khet.

Nowadays people are increasingly conscious, most people dress smartly and carry themselves well. People have started putting time and effort on their looks and its evident, when you walk on the streets. But is dressing smartly and being smart equivalent. Nope........
If one is smart and confident, the difference is evident in the way one carries oneself. Grace unfortunately doesnt come naturally to most, its more like genetic, comes from the way one's brought up and what one thinks and believes in. Charm, poise and grace are not as easy to acquire as clothes are. A subtle difference makes a world of difference.

One of the most graceful people in world's history is Princess Diana. People have written so much about her, she was in the news for just about anything that she did, and still remains to be six years after her death. That kind of publicity is almost impossible to handle. Just read some news about her, people trying to solve the mystery behind her death. Felt sad and I cant explain why? There is so much diplomacy, hipocracy, false stories and news thats it tough to know the real truth. And frankly I am least bothered about how someone else lived her life, what relationships she had ..blah blah. I just think she was elegant and nice to people and its sad how her life ended.

Its a lovely day! I dont know why I am in such a good mood. Like my dearest friend puts in "in a state of eternal peace". If I try and reason out my happiness, there are a few............I am going to Inida in 6 days, I have managed to lose enough weight to go to a size small/medium, I picked up some lovely stuff for myself at the mall yesterday which makes me all the more excited about going to India, I am going on a cruise with my family, I have some lovely friends, lots of work to do today..................................and mudslide at TGIF tonite :-)

Delhi has always been an unsafe place. Eve-teasing and harassment were everyday events. My friends and I faced it since we were 14 years old. Yes the attitude that men carry in this zone stinks. And now things are becoming worse. Rapes are becoming an everyday occurence. After reading the latest rape news in Times of India (www.timesofindia.com), I felt scared sitting miles away from the place. Its the biggest nightmare for a women. And with so many friends and relatives living in Delhi, I feel unsafe for them. Soon this will start happening in other parts of the country, making matters worse.
Last year, around this time I had started having bad dreams about guys trying to rape me. A rape case in the university had triggered this and since I worked late in the night often and was staying alone in an apartment, my fear was natural.
I would sleep with a knife under my pillow, would imagine people walking in my living room in the dark, and would always dream about a rape. I am not a delicate person and I can fight to protect myself, but I am also aware that at such times your senses might stop working becuase of fear. Its a trauma just thinking about it, facing it would be a nightmare. Why do some men get sadistic pleasures from such an evil act????

Two years have passed in a flash. Somebody once told me we live life in phases, one ends and the other starts. And do we have any options, people have to go education, marriage, work, something or the other and gradually you get accustomed to the new world, make new friends and cherish the old ones forever. But all this happens gradually, over time. Aur kabhi kabhi bahut waqt lag jaata hai.
Why all this today? This place feels lonely without my friend who was with me for the last 2 years, everyday, several times a day.....the walks to and from school, meeting for lunch, chatting throughout the day, fighting for every little thing, partying, trips to some beautiful places etc etc etc. The list is endless. But he has to move on. We tried to relive all that in the last week, but it was too short. I dont feel like doing anything now. He left this morning and I already miss him.
Tu kal chala jaayega to main kya karoonga, tu yaad bahut aayega to main kya karoonga!!!!!!
Nihir, I wish you a life full of success and happiness. Miss u tons................

Giving surprises is an art. And my brother certainly doesnt know how to. I wanted to surprise my parents, kitni mehnat ki thi aur kal raat ko sab mitti mein mil gayi. Had to tell them, lots of reasons why but had to and somehow the excitement of going home has reduced ten fold. And i am so irritated with my brother all thanx to him. Kya kar sakte hain. I also realised its tough for people to suprise me. I am such a pain, want to know the details at all times, gussa karti hoon etc etc, koi bhala kaise surprise karega. Nobody has atleast till now. Though surprises ka maza hi kuch aur hota hai.
I had two lovely surprises planned out for my parents and now none of them will work. What nonsense. A part of me didnt feel like going back home for sometime. And all this because some stupid guy has to come and see me. As if thats the most important thing in the world. I already hate him for ruining everything for me.

"The Bridges of Madison County" - Its a story about a wanderer, photographer who falls in love with a farmer's wife in Iowa. A short affair of 4 days.........and they relive that day in their memories for the rest of their lives. It haunts them, in a good way ofcourse, gives them the strength to go on. A love so powerful in its emotions that you have to feel it to know it. So why dont they spend their lives together, why was it only four days?????
She has a husband with two children, responsibilities that she cant shrug off, its not like she doesnt love them, she does she treasures them but what she feels for this man is different, its the apex, the pinnacle of what one can feel. The man himself expresses it best.......I have been falling through lives, searching, waiting for something and my search ends at you. Words that I liked the most were.........I never knew this could happen, I have lost myself, not that I wanted to and you have lost yourself and we have created something else..."US". That third person us is so much a part of you and me now that we will find it hard to separate it. But yet she takes a practical worldly decision, and they live with it for the rest of their lives till they die. Is that love???? Love has a lot of meanings to it, but this ultimate emotion when you are forced to admit that in the presence of this one person you feel that there is only one truth in the whole universe, has been and will always remain and thats when you say those precious words truly, completely " I Love You" !!!!! Most of us are not even lucky enough to experience this emotion, blinded by a lot of wordly things, that disable your emoting and feeling powers. But then there is a dreamer, a sensitive person in some of us, maybe most of us, thats awakened when we read such stories and for that period of time we are lost in the world of our dreams........the world within.

I had this discussion with a friend while watching Dil to pagal hai

Scene: Shah Rukh imagining he is kissing Madhuri
Me: Sochne aur karne mein farak hota hai. Sochta to har ladka aise hi hai. Karne ki guts sabme nahin hoti.
Friend: Ladkiyaan sharafat aur guts mein farak nahin samajhti.
Me: Ladke shareef nahin hote. Given any guy a chance woh sab kuch karega.

Another scene: Madhuri imagining Shah Rukh holding her hand
Friend: Dekha ladkiyaan bhi aise hi sochti hain
Me: Usne sirf haath pakadne tak hi socha
Friend: Ladkiyon ka knowledge level kam hota hai to ismein ladkon ki kya glati.

I have to admit that although I always beleved girls dont think physical in a relationship, its not true always, I know of relationships where girls are more aggressive than the guy. But my argument in the above case still stands valid. Saare ladke aisa hi sochte hain.

My fetish for clothes.......lovely clothes, lots of them, new ones everytime. When and how did it start i wonder? Well the roots were laid long back. My mom was very particular her children should look good all the time (and most of the times she was successful). I picked up on it from her. I remember being a part of my shopping sprees since I was 10 probably. I would have a say (certainly not an equal one) in what I wore and how I dressed up. And then my involvement increased gradually, we would go shopping every month and then I went to the boarding school. I continued on my own there.......though I admit I wasnt even half as confident without her initially. Bottom line I got addicted to having new clothes for all the occassions. And a major reason for this was the big social circle we had. We went out so often to parties, get togethers, weddings etc that new clothes were mandatory, after all there is a limit to the number of times you can repeat the same clothes among the same people. As early as my 13th b'day I had started going to the parlor for my hair, the driver would drop there 2 hours before my party and then pick me up and I would come home to find everything ready. Two of my closest cousins got married around 2 years back and I got myself a whole new wardrobe for 10 functions. Was loads of fun. But sometime along those years, maybe because of a change in the social scene or whatever I became less involved........................................and now I am getting back to my old self. After a hiatus, a phase where I didnt bother much to behave or dress up like a girl or to even take care of myself, I am starting again. Feels odd I must admit. Not that I didnt wear nice clothes anymore or any such thing (my mom would never allow that to happen), I just didnt spend all my time thinking about it. And when I say i am more involved I mean i make it a point my hair is doe properly, I wear some makeup atleast etc etc. Why The change again..............because the winds of time are changing yet again and I want to be prepared!!!!!

Sometimes one person can completely make or break your life.
Life does come to a standstill, its like the ground slipping from under your feet, you fall down badly and then even though you try and get up to walk again, you are crippled for a lifetime, the way you walk is never the same...........and then that person turns around and asks "Why didnt your world come to an end without me!"

I feel like writing something but cant. I am so tirrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddddddddddd. Havent slept properly last nite and havent had a moment of rest since morning. Bhook lag rahi hai, chakkar aa rahe hain aur neend bhi.Want to go home and sleep peacefully.