Teen saal.......

10th August 2001........my first day in America........I was lucky because my cousin was there to recieve me and he took very good care........I came to Akron a few days later..........like most other new students.......I didnt know what to expect and what not.................I had dreams and fears alike..............and a bag full of insecurities.........
Things were not easy initially for the always easily worked up me..........my so called friends from Pune ditched me .....as soon as I got here..............so I had to look for a house and roommates.........eventually things were fine.......and life in Akron started......
Three roommates.....Deepthi, Arati and Raj...........we had lots of fun.......the guys and Torrey......the walks after dinner..........Deepthi and me dancing in the living room ..........the mota kala lamba ladka.....at our doorstep :)......
And obviously the differences........fights over coooking....cleaning......almost everything........and that was fun too......
After a year ......came the time to move yet again...........5 of us this time........we went house hunting.....found this lovely place...............and were all set to make it our home...........that was some experience...................the best was our house warming party.........80 americans gate crashed it for the free booze.................but we had fun.......those lavish sunday breakfasts.........sitting outside on a beautiful day.......all of us eating together.......listening to old hindi music......dancing.....movies.......parties.........sharing a room with Shyamala..........not for a day did I feel I had problems doing that........it was like living with a younger sister I never had........but yes there were fights in the house as always.............cleaning cooking etc etc.....those come with the good things.......and in some ways the tiny miny arguments are fun too........after you share so much....spend lovely times  together......differences are a must..........but unforseen circumstances...................made me change that house too.................and then I moved to Timber Top ..............Pankaj and Madhu.......my present roommates.........................and the last one year .......has been more than I could have ever asked for...................a home that we built from scratch.............this time last year..........we were frantically shopping for our new house...............in this one year........we have had all the fun that I did in the previous years and much much more..........and now we have to move again.............though together this time..........but we move again....................and I dont want to leave the house I am in ...................but I know better........I have been lucky ever since I came to Akron in finding roommates who care.........
I can be very moody..........dominating to say the least ..................and a bit too difficult at times to handle................I remember the hot chocolates Arati would make for me.....and the gossip we indulged in..................I had got used to sleeping in the same room with Shamu........how we would talk or read........before sleeping and then both of us would never wake up in the morning........you first....no you first....................the times when Raghav sat at the my bedside when I wasnt well or simply angry at something ...............and fed me food like a younger brother...woh roothna woh manana...............the times when Anurag and I sat to talk .....after he was completely drunk.............Madhu......my partner....she is there for me in more than one ways...............and last but certainly not the least........Pankaj!!
The bad part is I have had to move every year......and that can be a pain...............but the good part is the memories I have of the last three years........the people who cared for me and vice versa......................and when I look back today ................the feeling is......I am really lucky!

You never know what you are capable of.......till you give it a shot !!!

First year engg......the initial months.....i knew one guy...who I came to college with since we lived in the same area.......I was meeting strangers......making friends.......
But it was coooooollll......since I am not the shy kinds......bindaas sabse baat karna...masti......ghumna.....and I had my undergrad friends to enjoy with...so I didnt care much....
I got to know a few first years and then one day we have this college event....with different competitions....and when I dont know many people....its not like me to go out of my way to participate in something ( other than maybe dancing and basket ball)......but this one girl I knew....who knew many of the senior organizers.......well she convinced me and Archana (another freshie) to participate in the personality contest......seems they had no girl participants and she had to pull somebody into it......and dont ask me how i fall for such traps....I still do!
Anyways she told us its no big deal......I forgot about it....and then comes Sunday...me lazying around at home with family and archana calls....lets go.....and I was like do we have to....bunk it....she protested....we have given our names.....we should go and check it out atleast.........so I gave in......to only see whats happening....I wont stay there and I was clear on that.....she agreed ...and we went.
I was dressed in rags....or close to rags.......and I thought to myself....worst case scenario its me and archie.....I can surely do that...........and then I saw the other participant.......the most gorgeous girl in our college......guys drooled over her.....all around us.....and she was dressed to kill that day in ethnic Indian wear. Staying with guys I have learnt to appreciate beauty when I see it......and I remember telling myself....run you are going to make a fool out of yourself here......but I didnt have the guts to do that either.......so I went in the room.
She knew everybody.....we knew nobody.......we were sitting in front of 4 judges and a huge crowd....on a Sunday....i didnt expect that either......I was nervous when it began.
And then the contest started.......introduce yourself.....that was awkward....I could feel my watery eyes......nervous...concious.....unsure....and silly!!!
After that first round of general intro...I told myself....who cares....i have nothing to lose....I know nobody (but my brain was playing those games again....you have to live in this coll for 4 years....you could be the one everybody laughs at in the future......and I was nervous again)
They made us fill some forms about strengths weaknesses ......hobbies etc....and then this guy Rudra......was grilling each contestant on those points.....luckily I was in the end.....and mera sabse bada problem yeh hai ki koi mujhe challenge karta hai.....ya mujhe neecha dikhaane ki koshish karta hai....to main uske upar chad jaati hoon.......that was the round when the tables started turning.....i didnt know Rudra......so I wasnt scared to answer back or anything and so I did......I stuck to what I wrote.....I gave smart ass comments......again the "who you" attitude creeping in from I dont know where.
Thats when I started enjoying it......as if it was a show....and all I had to do was say what I felt...talk.......talk and talk........
Next was the talent...something.....I sang a song.....thank mom for giving me a fraction of her voice....its wasnt bad.....it wasnt good for sure....and I was nervous again...
Then came the judges round....each one asks you a question.......I dont remember all of them but there was this one question......"Do you think MTV....etc etc is spoiling our generation.....culture etc etc...."
And I said....." Do you really believe our culture is so weak to be spoiled by a few channels and music shows"......
Another one was......if we talk about equality of sexes then....where does chivalry fit in........and I was like........I believe in equality.........except for where a man's a man and a woman's a woman.....a girl is doing everything a man is.......and I like to be treated like an equal......if we want to walk hand in hand....then why ask for ladies first !!!!...........man the hooting after that was amazing.....i saw the response everyone gave me and I was 4 feet above the ground........but the battle wasnt won yet.........
They asked the pretty lady......If you had to ditch your present boyfriend for George Clooney...your fav actor......what would you do.........and she said Leave him ofcourse.......I had just won the contest.......but I didnt believe it then.......I was nervous........I remember this strange guy sitting next to me and saying....you were good you did it.........
I had done it.......I was MISS PERSONALITY.....and not only had I won.......I had the highest points among all contestants.......In that one day I made so many new friends.......in that one day I had saved myself from becoming the laughing stock for the whole college..........in that one day I grew a step further towards what I am today......just because I gave it a shot......!!!!

Bullshiting your way through.......

Our mind plays games with us ........all the time....constantly .....round the clock.
And like any other game....you can either win.....or lose....or maybe sometimes draw!!
Aur mere dimaag ko yeh realization kab hua????............not too long back.....hua yun....ki mujhe internship karni thi...........to gain experience and decorate my resume.......and I tried the DESI ways of getting one......through people who i knew at this particular company...........and mere thoda bahut haath paon maarne par kuch nahin hua....issey jyada effort karne ke liye.....I have become a bit lazy..........
Then one day when mom was here and I took an off from work my advisor sends me an email for an internship position......at the same company............and I luckily checked my emails.....and decided to give it a try...........somehow I managed to prepare a decent resume .......and after seeing my resume.......my mind started playing games.............(now you get the link)..........I saw it and I said wow.......is this really me............then why have I started behaving like a loser off late............etc etc......again I resorted to the Desi style and found out about the job, the interview and the other candidates from another desi ofcourse..............aur mujhe kya pata chalta hai...there are 2 girls more qualified than me.......and some guy I knew nothing about................took me back to my personality contest days in MIT........more about that in my next post..............so the games start again.........mujhe milna to hai nahin.............i have no work experience............I havent done anything extraordinary in this dept either.........rather ever since I came here the only thing I have done is underperformed.......etc etc etc..............neverthless I started preparing for the interview..........my biggest strengths...........my confidence (inherited from Dad) and knowledge of my subject (saat saal ki padhai)...........and ofcourse together with this my ability to bullshit.......
But what about my weaknesses...............I get nervous in interviews, vivas.....etc etc.....and I tend to talk more than required............which means I could end up saying something I shouldnt.....or my inability to think and talk..........mind games start again...........the only interview I took 6 yrs back was a disaster and I knew it......always...though that wasnt professional....it was the only one I remembered.....
The whole scenario was like a ping pong ball bouncing from my mind to me and back.........whoever misses..........loses!!!
Since I knew my chances were bleak I followed my bro's instincts....."Kya Bechte hain saale !!"........bole to ekdum bindaaas.......and I walk in for the interview.......anything but nervous...........I prepared for the obvious HR questions......and I sit at the table with four people around me.......remembering the thumb rules.......shake hands.....look in the eye....smile and show enthusiasm.....at no point should they detect a lack in confidence............and the show began!!
They asked me questions for one hour.....initially I was answering their questions straight to the point.......(never letting go of my punjabi bullshiting attitude......its like that song "I am the best").....and then somewhere in the middle I relaxed, started cracking jokes......while sincerely answering the questions......its not like something I said untrue or made up...........I am still uncapable of creative stories at such short notice.......its just the way I said them I guess.....and its strange because I always tried to avoid this attitude.....but thats what worked to my advantage..........I GOT THE INTERNSHIP........and I won this game and that my friends is my guide to a successful interview!!!

Loving Memories continued.......

The best comment on my last post was my bro's......he called me right now and said this....
Him: Hi Dishu.........tu bahut gandi hai
Me: Kyun maine ab kya kar diya (kuch na kuch karti hi rehti hoon main)
Him: YOU BRING OUT THE CHILD IN ME !!!
Me: (Thinking to myself how ....is that good or bad)
Him: I just read what you wrote .....in office and I am crying in office!!!!
Me: Awwwwwwwwwwwww.......I didnt mean to make you cry....Love u
Him: Teri moonjh aa rahi hai......love you lots !!!

Loving memories

My earliest memories of "US" are when I would fondly hold him on my lap and ask the little thing....baatein karega...mujhse baatein karega....I remember this one pic where I am wearing a Red dress with a hat and he is on my lap.........
And then before I knew it we started fighting.....he was growing up.....I was his punch bag sometimes....his teacher....his savior and his friend......and he was my younger brother.....I have not been that protective about anyone till date !!
I loved the times when mom and I would dress him up in nighties...tie ribbons in his hair....do some makeup........even back then he looked much prettier than I did.....today he is handsome.....he has lost those girlish looks in his wonder years!
We both went to borading school together...........he told me all his stories.......i told him mine...........we played basket ball together......then boxing......skating.....cricket.......video games..............ludo........cards..........badminton........pithu......kho-kho......the list is endless.
We both tried our hands at making tea together.......it was a competition......those small chapaties we would make with the glass.......boarding schools......meeting on weekends.....diwali.......rakhi..etc etc etc
We were growing up....fast....similar yet so different.............its like a movie......one frame after the other....the minutest details delicately etched in my mind...my heart and my memories forever.

Yeh na socha tha kabhi itne yaad aaoge tum...
Haanthon kabhi baaton se bhi maara hai tumhe......sada yehi kehkar hi pukara hai tumhe
Kya kar loge mera jo bigad jaoge tum.....yeh na socha tha kabhi itne yaad aaoge tum.....

He grew from a naughty young boy....who would copy his sister...tease her, fight with her......yet come back to her....be there for her.........into a man....young and handsome...smart and independent !!!

He would look at me and follow my actions and try and repeat this after me
" This is the way of happy life....this is the way of happy life..
when i was a baby...how happy was I...I do this...and I do that......."

I have seen tears in his eyes when I was in pain......joy when I had achieved something.......he always supported me in what I wanted to do.......unlike all other bros......he encouraged me to try everything in life once........drink.....smoke......party......have fun.....we were growing up together

And all along we were so different yet so alike........
all along we never missed a chance to fight.........
all along he held my hand......even today together we stand!!!

Phoolon ka taaron ka sabka kehna hai.....ek hazaaron mein mera bhaiya hai
Saari umar humein sang rehna hai......phoolon ka taaron ka sabka kehna hai
jab se meri aankhon se ho gaya tu door....tab se saare jeevan ke sapne hain choor
aankhon mein neend na dil mein chaina hai

Mom dad ....me and him....our discussions....arguments....fights....decisions.....trips...movies.....days and nights.....each moment was so beautiful....the houses we lived in......the cars we drove.....the places we saw......the memories we store.......all so similar yet so different.

Dekho hum tum dono hain ek daali ke phool.....main na bhoola tu kaise mujhko gaya bhool
Aa mere paas aa keh jo kehna .......ek hazaaron mein mera behya hai........

Today he is headed towards a new phase in life......married life.....a family that he will bring up the way we were brought up as one........and I dont have words to express how happy I am for him........and all I have to say is.....

Jeevan ke dukhon se darte nahin hain.......kabhi dar ke sach se guzarte nahin hain...
Sukh ki hai chah to .........dukh bhi sehna hai........
ek hazaaron mein mera bhaiya hai.........saari umar humein sang rehna hai.
Love you BHAI !!!!!