Weekend........
It feels as if I am on a long vacation.....and I curse myself sometimes for not going to India. Probably my last trip to cinnci is over. Bhaiya and bhabhi will leave sometime next month and I will be too busy with work to meet them. I am going to miss them a lot. They helped me pick up my first house, winter clothes, my laptop, my car and were there for every major decision I havs taken.
Like bhaiya said this time, " Agar main do saal mein apne pairon par khadi nahin ho saki to kabhi nahin ho paoongi". and then he gave me that sly smile and I returned it. I know I am independent, and love to do a lot of things without asking them now. Why? I have grown up that why.
Its another phase of relationship which doesnt end but is bound to change. Slowly we will start talking once a month and then once in six months and then once a year. And their kid, which they shall have sometime in near future will know his/her bua as stranger who visits maybe once a year.
Was listening to a song from Pinjar......
Haath chute bhi to rishtey nahin chuta karte,
waqt ki shaaqh se lamhe nahin tuta karte!

Jingle bells, jingle bells ....jingle all the way!!!!
HaHaHa........Merry Christmas!!!
Christmas didnt strike a festive bell till I was 8. That's when i went to the boarding school. Staying there I learnt a lot about christians, their rituals and their religion. But never celebrated christams because we had holidays then. But this one year when I was 10, christams was exciting and fun. I even saw Santa Clause, rode on a sledge (as close to one as it can get), played games and ate a lot of lovely treats.
I dont have a vivid memory of that year but the details of that christams evening have stayed with me. Mom got us (me and my brother) dressed in nice clothes around 5.00. I thought maybe we are going out to meet someone since we did that often. The place where I lived, one of the colonies in Faridabad, was a typical mauhallah,jahan par ek ke baad el ghar the line se and the kids would play together in the evening, everybody knows eveybody type of place. So we step out of our house and apna desi style sledge with santa Claus was waiting outside and a few of my friends were already in there. We both got it and similarly collected all the children, went for a long ride singing the few christmas carols we knew.
Finally we stopped at one of the houses and all the children went to the backyard, where there was a huge christams tree, all decorated with a lot of gifts lying below it. and we all were asked to go hunt for ours (they had names written on the gifts). I remember wondering if santa claus got us the gifts, the god would know what we wanted and was expecting something really nice. I saw my brother pull out a toy gun and he was elated. I tore mine with excitement and inside was a craft kit. My reaction was one of dismay (i swear i was such a sulking kid), I didnt particularly like doing all that girly stuff so i wasnt happy and I was angry with God for not caring for my wishes. Somethings never change........And Then i went to my mom and she was like whast wrong, so I told her, poor thing must have hurt her because she was the one who had picked out both our gifts, packed them without letting us know and put them under that tree. I got back to normal in sometime, playing games with friends and eating and that was the best Christams I ever celebrated and that was my dearest christmas present...............................Love u ma.
After that it didnt happen again and then as we grew up christams was about attending parties with friends or dinners with parents. What I just realized is that I never gave my parents a christmas present, ever. And how did I realize it this year.....sitting miles away from home, I called home and after talking to ma, in the end just before when i was putting the phone down she said with a lot of love .....dear......................MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Kya ek ladka aur ladki sirf dost ho sakte hain?????
I have had numerous arguments and discussions on that? A platonic relationship is truly possible to what extent. Isnt it natural to be attracted both emotionally and physically to a person of the opposite sex, more so when he/she is a very good friend?
Delineating the limits is the key I believe? You can't work again human laws. And thats coming from a person like me who has had mainly guys as close friends for the last 7 years. I know a lot of guys and its an unsaid, unspoken truth that if you get too close, emotionally dependent etc etc etc..........one of the two eventually end up falling in love. Its natural again to think, ' if she/he understands me, we are friends, share so much together, why not spend your life with her/him?'
Thats it, that thought brings an end to purely platonic friendship, though that might be the eventual outcome, true feelings for a friend as a friend only cease then and there.
So limit yourself, be a good friend, be there for a friend, understand and care ......but................draw the lines. Avoid dependence of any kind......group dynamics works the best.......you retain your friends as friends for a lifetime without extraneous emotions creeping in.
But is it possible? Though to generalize, because ideally you would want to spend your life with a friend, but every friend cant be a life partner. So you drop your shield for some and keep it for others. Its complex human behavior which cant be and shouldnt be predicted......and I am just penning down my thoughts which may or may not be right!

Grandparents......do we love them enough????
I was reading a touching clog by zilch about her grandmother, a strong and wonderful lady. Just got me thinking about my grandparents. Lalaji and bhabhiji (dada and dadi) came from pakistan. They lived with us most of their life. My brother and I would go sleep with bhabhiji aur wohi pariyon waali kahani sunte the baar baar. Lalaji roz subeh uth kar pagdi baante the, aur itne shaan se chalte the, jaise raaja hon duniyaan ke. Pakizaah and Razia Sultan were his fav movies, and if either my brother or I so much as uttered a sound while he was watching it, to hamaari shaamat aati thi. The fact that he was watching it for the 100th time didnt matter. Itne pyaar se woh hamaare liye keema ke kofte banaate the. Aur aapas mein dono har samay ladte rehte the, we would enjoy their fights, sang bitaaye hue ek jeevan ki nok jhok. Kitna time ho gaya un dono ko gaye hue. Kabhi kabhi lagta hai, that I didnt spend enough time with them. Hum apni everyday activities mein itne busy ho jaate hain ki hamaare paas sab kuch karne ka time hota hai, lekin unke saath baith kar baatein karna ka, unko baahar le jaane ka, hansne ka time nahin nikaal paate hain. Aur aaj jab woh nahin hain then I wish they were here today, a part of my today and tomorrow. But their memories live on forever and so do they in our hearts.

Shaadi aur tumse...........maybe after 10 years!!!!
A friend and I were just talking about getting married with friends. How in the serial "FRIENDS", they decide once that if they dont find anyone in 10 years, aapas mein hi shaadi karlenge. And her immediate answer was, "phir to mujhe kitnon se shaadi karni padegi. I have made this promise to so many of my friends. Isliye its better if i find someone so that i have to marry only one person."
I myself have promised two people that I would marry them, jismein se ek se to main shaayad sach mein kar bhi leti 10 yrs ke baad. But ab mujhe bhi lagta hai, nahin, its better if i find someone. So I am still looking and 10 years are not up but a long way to go yet.

Punjabi...........balle balle!!!!!
What does it mean to be a punjabi????? For a long time i assumed all my friends around me were the same (in terms of religion, culture etc). The question of caste seldom rises in north india. Only after i moved to Pune did I realize the difference. I was suddenly surrounded by gujratis, marwaris, muslims, parsis, christians and of course maharashtrians. I slowly acknowledged the cultural differences, which are not subtle but pronounced.
Today, I have friends from different cultural backgrounds and I am not limited to viewing everybody as a punjabi. i understand more languages, know different food types (even how to cook some of them), cultural practices and have been a part of them. Its been a great learning experience for 8 years now.
But at heart, I am still a punjabi. Its evident in the way I talk, think, walk, cook, live. And I am very proud of it. Somebody once told me I walk two feet above the ground, and I know with those who are not close to me, I behave with an air about myself. Why? What am I so arrogant about?. Nothing and a lot at the same time. Those close to me believe that I am down to earth, as compared to most in my position.
How do I explain that? Simple, I am a punjabi. I get friendly to strangers but with an attitude, and once they get close to me is when they see the real me. And its not only me, its most punjabi's that I have met, I can easily point out one in a crowd by the way he/she behaves. Sometimes we do end up making a fool of ourselves by being pompous and overconfident. But seeing both sides of the world (in terms of culture), I have learnt to control myself. All in all, I am a proud Punjabi!!!!!

Singing....... a passion!!!
My dearest ma is a Ph.D. in vocal music......wow. I always thought whats the big deal, I guess taking parents for granted is habitual. But yes I admired her singing since the begining. We would have these kitty parties, where around 15 families and their kids would get together for dinner once a month. Aur hamesha mehfil jamti thi, jis mein mom gaati thi aur ek uncleji tabla bajaate the. Phir ek ke baad ek sab shuru ho jaate the. Wohi gaane, wohi masti.....sometimes i really miss those days.
I inherited a fraction of her melodious voice. Ma harmonium lekar baith jaati thi, aur mera bhai aur main, unke saath saath raag gaate the. Bhai would enjoy playing more aur mujhe gaane ka jyada shauk tha. Sa re ga ma pa dha ni sa.......sa ni dha pa ma ga re sa. Lekin maine kabhi bhi singing ko seriously nahin liya, it was a hobby, more so a passion. Main jab bhi gaane sunti hoon, my feet start tapping instinctively and it takes a mammoth of an effort for me to not sing along. I remember 90% of the songs i have heard till date and if i have music to give me company, I can never get bored.
I never realised something that came so naturally to me, thanx to ma, is actually a talent people work hard for. I was trying to teach a friend to sing and I realised raag seekhne se mujhe kitna kuch samajhta hai. And bachpan mein mujhe raag boring lagte the, I wanted to sing songs only. Its not as easy at a later age to change your voice unless you practice on it. My brother didnt, and he isnt an ardent singing fan either. All he has to say is, " Aisa ek gaana bata de jo tujhe nahin aata ho." And i just smile. I even dare to challenge my mother, but what I enjoy most is singing with her.
The best complement I ever got for my singing talent was from an uncle, hum log kahin ja rahe the and "yeh daulat bhi le lo" was playing in the car, and I was singing along softly behind. When he realised it was me he said, "I thought it was your mother (who was sitting next to me) singing."

Religious Me......
I have always liked bhajans and never had a problem learning prayers. Though I didnt know any for a long time. Studying in a convent for 7 years I knew the christmas carols and prayers well but gayatri mantra nahin aata tha. I would pray occasionally, mostly when i was in trouble or exam time.
I have been praying almost regularly for 11 years now. Mom, nani and masi wouldnt eat without bathing and praying in the morning. Once I got back from the boarding school and started staying at home, I picked up the habit of praying first thing in the morning, then gradually I started fasting too. Its become a daily ritual now to pray and I fast twice a week. Does that mean, I have become religious. No, i dont think so.
Its fun trying to explain to my culturally diverse friends why do I fast, what do I eat, whats the significance. The truth is I dont know, never thought about it. I had started because mom did it and I just wanted to join her in it. Later on she explained it to me as a means of increasing self control and will power.
I think now I am superstitous about fasting. Its silly and I know it. But dont want to take chances and then I use it as an excuse to eat less non-veg. Its an endless debate on whether god exists, and if he does what religious practice is right and what falls in the category of superstitious beliefs. I think the best approach is to everyone his/her own.

Jab jab jo jo hona hai......tab tab woh woh hota hai!!!!!!
aaj papa ki baat yaad aa gayi. 95% things apne aap right hoti rehti hain, its only for 5% things ki kuch extra effort karna padta hai. Its wise to not think too much and live the moment. The pieces of the puzzle fit in their respective slots, automatically.
Looking forward to a nice sunday.

DDLJ.................can you live that story?
If I was Simran, and Raj had come in my life at such a point, with obvious alterations to the storyline, what would I do???? Raj poochta hai na usse on that bridge on the river, maanlo tumhe kisise pyar ho jaaye........to tum kya karogi. Kya tum wapas jaakar uss aadmi se shaadi kar logi, ya phir tummein mera haath thaamne ki himmat hogi. Kya karogi??????
Yeh ishq nahin aasaan, yeh ishq nahin aasaan
Ek aag ka dariya hai aur doob ke jaana hai!!!!

But, that was a movie, decisions are based entirely on emotions. In the world that we live in, that doesnt work. Decisions made once are often lifetime decisions, or so we would like to believe and you dont live life alone. Love is often a part of it not everything. Every situation, every relationship, every circumstance is different and there is absolutely no way to relate two relationships and find the similarities or differences. But, everytime someone who loved and believed in another person and wanted to spend his/her life with the other, is hurt. Everytime a relationship meets the end of the road, everytime life takes an unexpected and unpleasant turn, everytime a heart breaks.........................and if I know about it, it hurts me.

I know I will never be in Simran's shoes..................so why ask the question in the first place? And even if I was, the probablility of me going both ways is equal. Thats life and thats how decisions are made, in the present, you dont preplan them, you just live them with heart and brain.

Public Relations......is it an art??
For as long as I can remember, I have idolized my father. Why? Because he had this capability to make everybody his own and his confidence. Its the perfect combination of these two factors that has made him the successful person he is today. And naturally, I wanted to be like him. But I am not as yet. He would talk to people for a few hours and they would have a personal attachment to him after that. I dont remember if he ever fought with anyone or was even rude to anybody. And that from a man who is restless and easily excited. But he knows all there is to know about public relations. And his charisma affects old and young alike. I can go on praising him indefinitely....have done that all my life.
So what is it that I lack? Have been thinking a lot about that lately. I was like that for a long time, but I lack the confidence and more than that I think its the compassion. I dont tend to show enough of it. I havent put enough time and effort in people till date. I have some very very good friends. I had read it somewhere if by the time you die you have 4 friends who are ready to do anything for you, you can die in peace. I can die in peace today. So where is the problem? Well thats the thing, for the last few years I have been over emotional and its only now after a long time I have realised, I dont have to make decisions for people around me, or look out for them, they are capable individuals with their own dreams and means to get there. They just need me to be with them to walk with them. And realising this I have decided to gradually and selectively make and effort to get back to those who I think are worth it.
And hence forth I have to learn to keep in touch, a key factor in PR which I am very bad at. Maybe somewhere down the line I will have a lot of positive stuff to write about myself.

Am I an Engineer........................Am I ready to step into the industry?????
Pichle kuch dino se, maybe jab se mera kaam mein interest badh gaya hai, I have started talking lot of technical stuff, analysing plastic objects, participating in general discussions and thinking..........which i didnt do often. Yesterday my hommie and I were looking at a huge plastic punch bowl with some flowery design on it. Now, under normal circumstances any girl would look at the bowl and comment on the design, and thats what I have done for a long time too. But frankly I was more interested in knowing the product design details when my hommie was discuusing it. Though I didnt tell him that.
Aaj to maine hadh ki kar di. Bhai se Nylon 12 ki processing discuss kar rahi thi, and the words were shooting out of my mouth and I didnt know where they were coming from. And I was doing logical thinking for industrial processes. Though it wasnt a big thing, I am very very very proud of myself. Feels good to know even I can do it, I think I am ready to rock and roll!!!!!!!

Bhaiya and Bhabhi.........................
My transition from India to America was very smooth, thanx to them. While most of my friends were struggling to manage airport pickups, rent a house at the earliest, adjusting to cooking themselves......I was enjoying the luxuries of being pampered. I landed in Cinncinati because they were going to drive down with me to Akron, to check out my campus, find me a home, help me buy stuff..........make me settle in. And they did all that. And that was just the begining.
They had been married for six months then, I hardly knew bhabhi then.........we learned to cook new recipes together, watched movies, talked etc. I would meet them every month, it was home. In their two bedroom apt, on room is mine, thats what everybody who comes visiting is told too.
I was visiting them this weekend too. We had loads of fun.......as usual. We drank, they were the ones who got me started, spoke a lot and cracked a lot of jokes too. They are moving to Seattle next month, and as far as I concerned, its as good as forever. I will graduate in sometime and then I will move out too. These two and a half years they have given me a home, been like my parents, taught me a lot of things. I know how difficult its been for some people, but for me they were and will always be there. They are my cousins but that doesnt matter really. Its the relationship that we share that counts. I will always be close to them and biased.
I will miss them a lot. Distance, time and circumstances will gradually change things for us. It always happens, got to accept that. We will meet once a year for a few days, might talk on the phone often, but thats not the same. Its like a relationship shared for sometime and treasures for lifetime. A chapter written and preserved forever, a memory of a wonderful past.
Thanx for everything......you both are great and I love you today and always!!!!

Snow snow everywhere...................
Its been snowing since morning, everything covered in a blanket of white. It looks serene and pure, untouched and clean. And its lovely. Trees without leaves, which looked dark, ruined and sad until yesterday .........have been magically transformed into glowing objects, the snow on the branches makes it look so beautiful. Its like decorating a woman only with diamonds and nothing else, she will certainly glow. Its strange how the toughest season, philosophical equivalent to old age in the seasons of life, is so beautiful. Everything is beautiful, we just need the right vision.

Shaadi ke lie portfolio..........
pehle to mujhe arrange marriage karna manzoor nahin tha, but today i think differently about that. lekin phir bhi my ego and self respect doesnt allow me to come all dressed up in front of a guy and his family for approval. shukar hai log tumhe gaane aur naachne ko nahin bolte.....ya phir worst silayi aati hai ya phir havan karna aata hai. hehehheehehhe. this is exaageration i agree. The point or rather the problem is ki mujhe ladke waalon ko apna photo bhejna hai, since distances make it impossible for the above mentioned things to happen, though that will too eventually. But on one hand I want to send nice photos because i wouldnt like to be rejected on those basis(i have a huge ego in these matters) and at the same time its irritating and awkward going through the hassle of clicking photos with this specific purpose in mind. So I dont know what to do?????????

Is flirting healthy?????? I believe it is....makes you feel nice and confident about yourself. We all like it when somebody appreciates us for the way we look and dress. I have had a long break of nearly 2 years from flirting, boyfriends and fun. Not that i used to do much of it earlier, lekin kabhi kabhi ho hi jaata tha.
On this Chicago trip, I had one such experience and I have to admit it feels nice. Once again I want to remember this incidence and this person so shall pen it down before I forget.
Pehle mahaul samjhaati hoon..........Harry's Velvel Room in Chicago, desi party with lots of punjabi and desi music. I was with the 4 friends I mentioned yesterday. As soon as the music started, assi pahonch gaye nachane. And I just love dancing, plus the alcohol, so masti mein naach rahe the hum sab. This guy starts trying to dance with him and I keep ignoring him. Then he came and spoke to my friend.....
Him(to my friend): You laugh a lot while dancing. Whats your name??
My friend:..............
Him(to her): whats your friend's name ( and i am standing right next to her so she introduces the two of us)
Him: Hi
Me: Hi (a little awkward)
Him: (Starts dancing with me ............the two of us on the side with my friends dancing nearby) You dance very well.
Me: Thanx
Him: No, I mean it. Yahan par to kisi ko dance karna aata hi nahin hai.
Me: now you are embarrasing me.
Him: Where are you from?
Me: Ohio
Him: What are you doing there?
Me: Ph.D.
Him: (he gives me that stare, i am used to it by now) I am a chemical engg and have done my MS in computers from UCLA. Working in chicago.
Me: Hmmmmmm, Nice.
Him: where are you from in India?
Me: Pune
Him: (with a big smile on his face) I am from Mumbai. What are you?
Me: Punju
Him: ( the smile gets bigger) I am a half punju and half gujju.
Me: Thats nice
Him: Do you drink?
Me: yes sometimes.
Him: Can i buy you a drink?
Me: I have had my share for today( I had started avoiding him and concentrating on my friends)
Him: (I think he got the idea) Can we exchange numbers? I really like you.
Me: (certainly not was the answer i wanted to give but) Well i dont think thats a good idea.
Him: Why, you dont like my face?
Me: No, I am not comfortable with the scenario.
Him: Can we be friends atleast?
Me: Sure.
Him: How will we keep in touch?
Me: I dont have a number, you give me yours I will call you. ( so he gave me his number and I said i would remember it)
Him: whats you email address.
Me: I gave him that and luckily for me he got my name wrong in it and I kept quiet.
Him: (before leaving) punjabiyon ki khatir kuch kar do yaar.
Me: (smiled) bye, nice meeting you!!!!!!

Life seems to be running right now............with every front finally finding its destination!
I dont know how much of whats happening on the numerous fronts is right or wrong and right now i dont care...but i am enjoying and living every bit of life, so to say!
A lovely weekend in chicago. Nihir, madhu, priya, nishant......and me. Loads and loads of fun. We argued, we fought, we joked, we laughed, we drank, we dined, we danced, we talked............we did everything together as a group and we had fun.
As for Chicago...that place rocks, I just love it. Prefer it to NY or Boston, my kind of a place, a nice blend of old and new.
The best thing according to me about the trip was that I interacted with all four of them on a personal level as well as a group. Can't put down details of what I feel ..........but at the end its a very "Happy feeling".